Writing Nonsense in my Head

Ran into Starbucks.

A silver dollar

for an unlined sheet of paper

and a number 2 pencil.

My cache is full.

Words,

whole lines

are spilling over

into the cracks of the sidewalk.

A half-polished thought

slipped through my circuits

and rolled into the storm drain.

Coffee can wait.

I’m losing my mind

faster than I can cram

new ideas into the leaks.

Should have bought

that smartphone

before pens

became scarcer

than swords.

Learning to See

Consider Paul Jantzen's "Prairie Wanderings," which I have been reading a few essays at a time. What he has seen in places I have sped by, not to mention his ability to note in poetic detail as well as explain how these fragments connect to the broader world, astonishes me. He has an exquisite gift and a highly-developed skill of seeing.

So how does a person learn to notice and appreciate the wonders around them?

On my walk to the river, I pass the same sights. The time of day and the seasons change. Sometimes I am struck by what see. Sometimes it’s background.

I am more likely to find aesthetic satisfaction if I look for it. Trying to take a good photograph can provide that focus.

Clearing my mind of rubbish helps.

Noticing something for the first time is intrinsically satisfying, I think. Yet seeing and appreciating the same thing repeatedly builds a kind of depth.

What is this appreciation, other than the recognition that something is good? Or is it the act of recognizing something that makes it good? Some firing of reason and emotion in my brain that connects who my species has become to what I now value?

But to continue, without clear understanding.

For now and then, when I am in the act of putting one foot in front of the other, I am halted by a sensation, sometimes euphoric, that what I am experiencing is so wonderful that I am simply and profoundly grateful to be alive at that time and place.

And then the sensation will pass. But it lingers, etched in memory. And perhaps I walk the same path again and again hoping to find it again.

But a good walk, with only small satisfactions, is often more than enough. And apparently, easily missed.

The question remains: How do I learn to notice and appreciate the wonders around me?

Do Gooder

I like to think of myself as a do-gooder.

Not in the sense that I do all that much good. 

Rather, I believe that giving other people the opportunity to do good is what makes them better people. 

And what the world needs is more, better people.

Now that they are repairing the Kaw River Bridge, traffic is down to one lane in both directions.

Occasionally, because of high-pressure debris blasting and such, they close off the sidewalk I normally take across the river so I have to use the upriver sidewalk.

Once across the river on the far side of the bridge there is no crosswalk, or stoplight. 

So I stand, facing the cars coming from the north – at certain times of the day, a very steady stream. 

Eventually, a driver will stop, give a subtle wave of the hand, and I cross to the median. 

The driver, has just done the tiniest of good deeds that will reinforce his or her better instincts.

I have made a better person.

Standing on the median, I begin watching the cars approaching from the south. 

Sure enough, in time, a driver will stop. 

That’s two.

Now, on the other side of the bridge approach, I look up at the sun for confirmation. 

Nearly imperceptibly, but it is clear.

The earth has moved. 

Maybe not solely due to my efforts, but a change for the better in the universe has occurred.

I turn, and stand on the side of the road, again facing the cars approaching from the south and wait. 

At the rate they’re fixing the bridge, I hope to make a significant difference in the quantity of better people in Lawrence, Kansas. 

You’ve got to start somewhere.